What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
10.06.2025 03:54
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I write beautiful poetry .
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
It’s true, cutting calories will make you depressed - The Times
This is soul school!.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Who then, do I blame.?
How do flat Earthers explain the existence of other spherical planets?
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
So whats the point in blame.
Why do men date women they are not really interested in?
Im still living with it.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
What toxic behavior has been normalized by society?
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I have no regrets .
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She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
She wouldn,t have been !
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
What do you think is the most powerful line in the song "Non, Je Ne Regrette Rien" by Édith Piaf?
I couldn’t, believe it.
One cannot live in the past .
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I waited trembling.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Why did i forgive my father ?
In what ways does Islam oppress women?
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Why, after a divorce, would one still want to ruin the other one’s life?
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Especially a lifetime of it.
Meghan Markle and Prince Harry take kids to Disneyland and the family photos are magical - HOLA
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
What are some tips for a girl with low self-esteem to start dating?
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Was to survive, this bastard.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Why did Obito, a supposed "bad person," do good things for Kakashi?
My family never makes their pension either.
Comes on , in middle age.
And i lived it daily.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I don,t even have a pension.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
And who doesn’t know suffering?
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I said to her
My life is so biszare .
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
We were not on the streets..
I had hoped to write a book about this .
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I was very sick at this time too.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I will be 64.
She loved him until the end.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Put me off passion for life!!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
All the time i was locked up.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I never cut or harmed myself..
She married twice! .
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I was 9 years of age.
I could never make a relationship work though!
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
As i do to all so called friends.?
What did i know ?
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
She was in good health!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Ive learnt so much.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
But ive been too sick for many years..
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
But it wasn’t much.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
(And it was in our own minds.)
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Would this be the day?
So, i spoilt her more .
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
He knew the spot.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
It was going to be , some day.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I was scared of men, in general
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I think the readers, may guess!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
When she asked me how she looked .
He was dying to do it , i knew.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
We all went to grammer schools
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
She found it foreign!.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
He resisted the act ,that day.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I was seconnd youngest,
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
But, we were locked up after school.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!